My friend, ex husband #3, John, was over visiting and we were feeling good and he came up with this next passage and I thought what a cool thought:
"Count my blessings"
Shelter, cheap and roomy, $100 free food a month/free phone with 250 free minutes a month;No cable-free antenna channels;
I can do whatever I want when I want; I count my blessings.
Rich fucks can't wrap their brains around that one. They can't possibly recognise that concept; throw your watch away you won't need it!
Sure, I don't have a lot of money but I pretty much do what I want when I want to do it and I'm happy with that.
Enjoy your friends while they're still here. Enjoy nature while it's still here.
Do I REALLY need to work my nuts off for ever and ever and ever......Hell NO!
Showing posts with label start of a book. Show all posts
Showing posts with label start of a book. Show all posts
Saturday, March 26, 2011
Tuesday, February 22, 2011
What To Say Today Hmmm.....
Woke up to snow coming down. It was winter, what were we expecting? Oh I hate the cold LOL. All wrapped up in my blanket, sitting at the computer and smiling because the heat just came on and a heat vent was right at my feet. AHHHHH.
I felt the need to expand on our "Wednesdays". We joke that if the neighbors didn't see Ex's #3 car at our house it would throw off their week. Yeah, he's my ex husband, yeah, there were problems-that is an understatement-but as I got older I realized my family was gone (except my children of course) and my friends were my family. Ex-husband #3 was kind of in the same position. After everything we had gone through we finally realised we needed each other.
My joe was ok with that. Joe knows how much I love him.
I just thought of a reason for writing today, not that I needed one, today would have been our (Ex husband #3) 8 year wedding anniversary. I'm sure there had to be a card for that.
I felt a bit melancholy about it. So much hurt and laughter. I choose to remember the good things from any relationship I had been in when some are stuck on the negative.
The relationships I had been in over my life had impacted me in a different way every time. Joe got what resulted from the other men, some good, some not so good. Each in their own way gave me the tools to be the strong, surviving, woman I am today. I was proud to having known each of them.
One has part of my heart forever. That heart had been healing more over the years which was good for Joe.
Another thought running through that head of mine.
I felt the need to expand on our "Wednesdays". We joke that if the neighbors didn't see Ex's #3 car at our house it would throw off their week. Yeah, he's my ex husband, yeah, there were problems-that is an understatement-but as I got older I realized my family was gone (except my children of course) and my friends were my family. Ex-husband #3 was kind of in the same position. After everything we had gone through we finally realised we needed each other.
My joe was ok with that. Joe knows how much I love him.
I just thought of a reason for writing today, not that I needed one, today would have been our (Ex husband #3) 8 year wedding anniversary. I'm sure there had to be a card for that.
I felt a bit melancholy about it. So much hurt and laughter. I choose to remember the good things from any relationship I had been in when some are stuck on the negative.
The relationships I had been in over my life had impacted me in a different way every time. Joe got what resulted from the other men, some good, some not so good. Each in their own way gave me the tools to be the strong, surviving, woman I am today. I was proud to having known each of them.
One has part of my heart forever. That heart had been healing more over the years which was good for Joe.
Another thought running through that head of mine.
Monday, February 21, 2011
I'm back to All My X's Aren't From Texas
Took a while but I'm back with All my ex's aren't from texas.
Took a minor gas and oil detour. I am good getting off the main subject.
Now, you know it'd wierd when your present husband (I love you honey-kiss up points LOL) and your ex husband are in the same room. That was wierd enough, I know! To turn to husband #3 and ask him about something in our marriage that was pertinent to the convesation with my present (and last) husband is just wierd. None of that made sense but you just had to be there. LOL It ended up a friend that was visiting said to me and husband #3, we sounded like an old married couple. I couldn't stop laughing, it was so wierd.
My children may not understand but I chose to put things that happened between husband #3 and me in the past. My kids know some of it and are wondering what I am doing. It's my choice to forgive but a harder time with the forgetting part. I'm working on it. I would rather have had an ex as a friend than not. Yes, there was one in all this story who refused to have that thought process but it was his loss and I had to respect that. I always tried to be a loyal friend even when our time was over. I'll try to leave it at that, try I said LOL. I have the up most respect for my friends.
Anyway, we had gotten used to and in the habit, even look forward to our weekly Wednesday visits with husband #3 or now known as my friend John. Other friends come around and we just shoot the bull, as we americans say. We laughed, we argued-hmmmm debated, and had a good cup of coffee. I do not make coffee (a request made by others LOL.)
There is only one Ex I haven't talked about, boyfriend or husband. I don't know that I could. I would just leave it at that for the moment.
Oh, jeez there was a mouse that ran across the top of the computer table, gotta go......Jooooeeeeeeeeee!
Took a minor gas and oil detour. I am good getting off the main subject.
Now, you know it'd wierd when your present husband (I love you honey-kiss up points LOL) and your ex husband are in the same room. That was wierd enough, I know! To turn to husband #3 and ask him about something in our marriage that was pertinent to the convesation with my present (and last) husband is just wierd. None of that made sense but you just had to be there. LOL It ended up a friend that was visiting said to me and husband #3, we sounded like an old married couple. I couldn't stop laughing, it was so wierd.
My children may not understand but I chose to put things that happened between husband #3 and me in the past. My kids know some of it and are wondering what I am doing. It's my choice to forgive but a harder time with the forgetting part. I'm working on it. I would rather have had an ex as a friend than not. Yes, there was one in all this story who refused to have that thought process but it was his loss and I had to respect that. I always tried to be a loyal friend even when our time was over. I'll try to leave it at that, try I said LOL. I have the up most respect for my friends.
Anyway, we had gotten used to and in the habit, even look forward to our weekly Wednesday visits with husband #3 or now known as my friend John. Other friends come around and we just shoot the bull, as we americans say. We laughed, we argued-hmmmm debated, and had a good cup of coffee. I do not make coffee (a request made by others LOL.)
There is only one Ex I haven't talked about, boyfriend or husband. I don't know that I could. I would just leave it at that for the moment.
Oh, jeez there was a mouse that ran across the top of the computer table, gotta go......Jooooeeeeeeeeee!
Saturday, December 26, 2009
FLEETING THOUGHTS
Have you ever had a thought just pop into your head? No idea where it came from and then there are more. Then there are so many you feel like your head is going to pop. That's how I feel right now. I thought I would share some of my sporadic thoughts.
How do post office machines know the name and address of someone when I can hardly read their writing?
Why are people nicer this time of year even though they didn't seem AS nice? It's like there is a switch that goes on around Halloween and those Christmas decorations start going up in the stores. What is up with THAT?
Next year I'm putting my Christmas decorations up in October when the weather isn't as cold and the ground is softer. Just won't flip the switch until Thanksgiving. Where are the days when you put your Christmas tree up on Christmas Eve? (I have never done that but just wondered.)
How do those chickadees stay warm in the winter. They are such little birds.
How does the big fish in a fish tank know not to eat the little fish in the tank with them?
When do children stop needing their mother's? Never I hope. I am 52 and I miss my mom alot and she died when I was 8 and have no memories of her. How do you explain that? When I see my own daughter pulling away all these years I panic. I believe a child always needs their mother in one way or another. She doesn't know how lucky she is. I know she is spreading her wings. Some children spread their wings so far they forget who loves them unconditionally.
What's up with not loving unconditionally. I had a boyfriend once (boyfriend #2) who told me there was no such thing as unconditional. Well, if someone is putting conditions on my love-family or friend then they have another thing coming (don't know what that might be but it sounded assertive) LOL. I love unconditionally and I love hard. Too hard at times. Never said I was perfect. Too bad some people feel they have to be. Now why is THAT?
On a grosser subject...how does a septic tank work. Oh I know I've been told. What about those drain fields? I see that commercial where they are tearing up a guys "drain field" and it doesn't look like anything than a torn up yard to me. Go figure. LOL
Just those thoughts going through my head! I'm not getting the dishes done LOL. They've been waiting a couple days.
How do post office machines know the name and address of someone when I can hardly read their writing?
Why are people nicer this time of year even though they didn't seem AS nice? It's like there is a switch that goes on around Halloween and those Christmas decorations start going up in the stores. What is up with THAT?
Next year I'm putting my Christmas decorations up in October when the weather isn't as cold and the ground is softer. Just won't flip the switch until Thanksgiving. Where are the days when you put your Christmas tree up on Christmas Eve? (I have never done that but just wondered.)
How do those chickadees stay warm in the winter. They are such little birds.
How does the big fish in a fish tank know not to eat the little fish in the tank with them?
When do children stop needing their mother's? Never I hope. I am 52 and I miss my mom alot and she died when I was 8 and have no memories of her. How do you explain that? When I see my own daughter pulling away all these years I panic. I believe a child always needs their mother in one way or another. She doesn't know how lucky she is. I know she is spreading her wings. Some children spread their wings so far they forget who loves them unconditionally.
What's up with not loving unconditionally. I had a boyfriend once (boyfriend #2) who told me there was no such thing as unconditional. Well, if someone is putting conditions on my love-family or friend then they have another thing coming (don't know what that might be but it sounded assertive) LOL. I love unconditionally and I love hard. Too hard at times. Never said I was perfect. Too bad some people feel they have to be. Now why is THAT?
On a grosser subject...how does a septic tank work. Oh I know I've been told. What about those drain fields? I see that commercial where they are tearing up a guys "drain field" and it doesn't look like anything than a torn up yard to me. Go figure. LOL
Just those thoughts going through my head! I'm not getting the dishes done LOL. They've been waiting a couple days.
Sunday, August 16, 2009
Start of a book-copyrighted
Remember if you are just starting to read my book go way to the bottom and the book starts at the bottom of the blogs and work up.
Ok, now that husband #1 has coincidentally appeared in my life I have some feelings to explore. Ok, explored them and found nothing I felt like dealing with.
It is fun having gotten in contact with him. I never thought that would happen. He has a dryish sense of humor. Just to show you things are not always what they appear to be. LOL
What am feeling? Just friendship and glad he is still alive. I could dwell on the marriage that was over 30 years ago but I'm not anymore. What happened happened and the past can't be changed. He has changed my life and has had a hand in who I am today. I bet he will be surprised to read that, ah, when I tell him I am writing my book on a blog space.(my very rough draft)
FH #4 has been coming home when he can even if it is for 33 minutes, YES! One day last week I got to see him for 33 minutes but 5 hours four days later. What do I have to complain about? Really nothing, I'm happy for the first time in my life. I have finally found my soulmate and the love of my life.
I am afraid I won't be able to live up to what he wants in a woman. I'm not supposed to live alone and here I am alone. I thought I would be ok but I need validation of my feelings. He says we will face whatever comes our way together. How can we when he is not here and I am left to face more medical issues by myself? I can't face it by myself, my stroked brain can't retain information and I get overwhelmed very easily. Oh sure I am making it now, he doesn't understand or see how hard this is. I guess I can't expect him to since he has been doing his job for 30 years. Neither of us want to be alone but he has his job and I am sitting here scared of my future healthwise and having to face it alone. Sure he can email me, if he will, or call but how is that being here for each other. I'm sure I'll be told he is being here for me...
Oh, I'll never get the dog we talked about to keep me company. How can a dog help me when I have fainted and fallen down some steps unconscious and wake up praying I haven't broken anything. I love FH#4 with all my heart and I will always be here waiting for him but how do I get him to understand that this is so hard for me. Every time he leaves to go back my heart aches and (as usual) I cry for about a day after ( leaving him when he visits with smiles and flashes!) He can't see how hard this is on me? It's easier when I get to visit him at his work, the seperation doesn't feel as hard when I leave him at his job and drive home. It seems like a piece of cake for him that he can't see how emotionally hard this is on me. If this is hard for him I wish he would tell me. Maybe he wished I would stop talking as that was what husband #3 told me a couple times, "I talked too much." Husband #3 would rather have quiet than listen to anyone, especially his wife. Come to think about it husband #2 didn't like talking to me much either. In my defense husband #2 and 3 were very quiet, introverted people who didn't enjoy the company of others.
FH#4 treats me like a queen. I'm not complaining just voicing my worries. I want to live the rest of my life with him. I know his worries. He may not know I know but I do. I pray he stays safe to come home to me and he does the same thing. We will think the same thoughts and do similiar things at the same time and be surprised and laugh about it. How in tune can two people be?
I can't wait for him to come home knowing he won't have to leave again. I think I have a long time to wait....I just want him to be happy. I don't want to lose our "happy" cause it's great! :)
Emily
Ever since writing this particular one I was awfully hard on FH#4. He is a wonderful, caring man and I have way too much time to over think things. I don't think I want to write this anymore. I don't want to hurt anyone. I can't wait to be with my FH #4. I am so grateful I found him on the COMPUTER and took the leap of faith. It is a wonderful thing and I think writing a book like this is just not fair to him. Bye..........emily
Ok, now that husband #1 has coincidentally appeared in my life I have some feelings to explore. Ok, explored them and found nothing I felt like dealing with.
It is fun having gotten in contact with him. I never thought that would happen. He has a dryish sense of humor. Just to show you things are not always what they appear to be. LOL
What am feeling? Just friendship and glad he is still alive. I could dwell on the marriage that was over 30 years ago but I'm not anymore. What happened happened and the past can't be changed. He has changed my life and has had a hand in who I am today. I bet he will be surprised to read that, ah, when I tell him I am writing my book on a blog space.(my very rough draft)
FH #4 has been coming home when he can even if it is for 33 minutes, YES! One day last week I got to see him for 33 minutes but 5 hours four days later. What do I have to complain about? Really nothing, I'm happy for the first time in my life. I have finally found my soulmate and the love of my life.
I am afraid I won't be able to live up to what he wants in a woman. I'm not supposed to live alone and here I am alone. I thought I would be ok but I need validation of my feelings. He says we will face whatever comes our way together. How can we when he is not here and I am left to face more medical issues by myself? I can't face it by myself, my stroked brain can't retain information and I get overwhelmed very easily. Oh sure I am making it now, he doesn't understand or see how hard this is. I guess I can't expect him to since he has been doing his job for 30 years. Neither of us want to be alone but he has his job and I am sitting here scared of my future healthwise and having to face it alone. Sure he can email me, if he will, or call but how is that being here for each other. I'm sure I'll be told he is being here for me...
Oh, I'll never get the dog we talked about to keep me company. How can a dog help me when I have fainted and fallen down some steps unconscious and wake up praying I haven't broken anything. I love FH#4 with all my heart and I will always be here waiting for him but how do I get him to understand that this is so hard for me. Every time he leaves to go back my heart aches and (as usual) I cry for about a day after ( leaving him when he visits with smiles and flashes!) He can't see how hard this is on me? It's easier when I get to visit him at his work, the seperation doesn't feel as hard when I leave him at his job and drive home. It seems like a piece of cake for him that he can't see how emotionally hard this is on me. If this is hard for him I wish he would tell me. Maybe he wished I would stop talking as that was what husband #3 told me a couple times, "I talked too much." Husband #3 would rather have quiet than listen to anyone, especially his wife. Come to think about it husband #2 didn't like talking to me much either. In my defense husband #2 and 3 were very quiet, introverted people who didn't enjoy the company of others.
FH#4 treats me like a queen. I'm not complaining just voicing my worries. I want to live the rest of my life with him. I know his worries. He may not know I know but I do. I pray he stays safe to come home to me and he does the same thing. We will think the same thoughts and do similiar things at the same time and be surprised and laugh about it. How in tune can two people be?
I can't wait for him to come home knowing he won't have to leave again. I think I have a long time to wait....I just want him to be happy. I don't want to lose our "happy" cause it's great! :)
Emily
Ever since writing this particular one I was awfully hard on FH#4. He is a wonderful, caring man and I have way too much time to over think things. I don't think I want to write this anymore. I don't want to hurt anyone. I can't wait to be with my FH #4. I am so grateful I found him on the COMPUTER and took the leap of faith. It is a wonderful thing and I think writing a book like this is just not fair to him. Bye..........emily
Sunday, August 2, 2009
the start of a book-copyrighted
IF YOU ARE JUST STARTING TO READ THIS BOOK I AM WRITING THEN YOU HAVE TO GO DOWN TO OLD POSTS AND START FROM THE BEGINNING. THE 2ND OLDEST POST IS THE BEGINNING OF THE BOOK AND JUST KEEP SCROLLING UP TO NOW, THE MOST RECENT.
Be careful what you wish for you just might get it, and the baggage to. After 30 years of being divorced from husband #1 (before computers) we made contact. After 30 years!!
How wierd is that? It was done through Facebook. Oh wait, it is about the computer after all. I rarely thought about H#1. Occasionally I would Google his name or look in some data base. Other than that no real need to contact him, just curiosity.
We had such long emails about what had happened to us over the last 30 years that I invited him to my wedding. Wow! If you would have told me 30 years this scenario would happen I would have said no, an emphatic no!
Once I got to know more about what he had been through these last 30 years I felt like I was in a comfortable chair. I found an old friend and indeed I had. I was expecting anger on my part for various reasons but I didn't. I'm at the point in my life where things have to roll off my back. FH#4 is grateful, I think, for my calm demeanor, or most of the time. I do get frustrated. Or give me an Oil and gas person or someone from the Government and the pirannha in me comes out. Sure surprised FH#4. I think inside he was proud of me.
Hey, as far as that subject goes, Oil and Gas, don't mess with me. I can talk you under the table. Oh, excuse me while I get off my soap box. HAHA.
Husband #1 can't afford to come to my wedding but it sure would be wierd to have husbands #1,2,3 there as a guest, photographer or whatever. Nah, it wouldn't be for me. I could deal with it. It's nice seeing a friendship is forming with H#1 and H#3. Husband #2, not sure where I stand but I think he is warming up to me. I'm not the "bitch" I was lead to be seen as by outside parties in others lives. At least I hope that is how he sees it.
Yeah, yeah, I know I have gotten off the beaten track of online dating but this is my memoir. I do tend to make detours as some know having had conversations with me. If you think about it just a minute ago was history in my life so this morning would be history. I just love the way I twisted that one around!
All my detours have worn me out for the moment. What an imaginative mind can do.....lol
Be careful what you wish for you just might get it, and the baggage to. After 30 years of being divorced from husband #1 (before computers) we made contact. After 30 years!!
How wierd is that? It was done through Facebook. Oh wait, it is about the computer after all. I rarely thought about H#1. Occasionally I would Google his name or look in some data base. Other than that no real need to contact him, just curiosity.
We had such long emails about what had happened to us over the last 30 years that I invited him to my wedding. Wow! If you would have told me 30 years this scenario would happen I would have said no, an emphatic no!
Once I got to know more about what he had been through these last 30 years I felt like I was in a comfortable chair. I found an old friend and indeed I had. I was expecting anger on my part for various reasons but I didn't. I'm at the point in my life where things have to roll off my back. FH#4 is grateful, I think, for my calm demeanor, or most of the time. I do get frustrated. Or give me an Oil and gas person or someone from the Government and the pirannha in me comes out. Sure surprised FH#4. I think inside he was proud of me.
Hey, as far as that subject goes, Oil and Gas, don't mess with me. I can talk you under the table. Oh, excuse me while I get off my soap box. HAHA.
Husband #1 can't afford to come to my wedding but it sure would be wierd to have husbands #1,2,3 there as a guest, photographer or whatever. Nah, it wouldn't be for me. I could deal with it. It's nice seeing a friendship is forming with H#1 and H#3. Husband #2, not sure where I stand but I think he is warming up to me. I'm not the "bitch" I was lead to be seen as by outside parties in others lives. At least I hope that is how he sees it.
Yeah, yeah, I know I have gotten off the beaten track of online dating but this is my memoir. I do tend to make detours as some know having had conversations with me. If you think about it just a minute ago was history in my life so this morning would be history. I just love the way I twisted that one around!
All my detours have worn me out for the moment. What an imaginative mind can do.....lol
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)