BOOK continued

I probably shouldn't even be writing today because my heart just isn't in it. Why do people see the worst flaws in each other? Especially future hubby #4 and hubby #3 (though he may not remember). I can remember how often hubby # 3 would say something negative and I would try and say something positive. He never seemed to notice. Today he turned it around on me. I was being negative and as much as it irritated me he was showing me the positive spin on the conversation I was discussing with him. Ok, he was partly right. "You always see the sky is going to fall attitude." says hubby #3. Which is sooo not true. How much he forgets that he seems to only want to remember the difficult times or one thing in particular I said and and then immediately changed my mind. Men don't remember these things. He wants to remember what will benefit him.
Now, hubby #3 and I have this strange relationship. I don't know him that well and he doesn't know me at all. That is sad after being together for 8 years (5 of those married.) Though when we're apart it seems to work well.
I'm scared. I know the feeling very well, of right before, getting kicked to the curb so to speak.
I know I have health issues, I have to live with them every day dammit! I can still laugh, smile, walk and stand upright a lot of the time (I say with a laugh) and enjoy life. So who has any problems and tell me! It's a pain in the arse being me. My significant other has his hands full but I am alive and kicking people!
If you want someone to laugh with I'm here but if the going gets rough you better be there for that too. I would stand by any friends, husbands, children and boyfriends (ex or not) if they needed me. I know what it feels like to have most everyone I know turn their back on me for 1. Fighting Oil and Gas 2. Think they know something they don't and be judgemental 3. This one gets my oil (pardon the pun) boiling, turning your back on someone when you haven't a clue what is going on. We know what assumptions do!
I would like more than anything for all my family to come together if and when future husband #4 and I make it down the aisle. Life is too short for this to go on.
Yes, I met future husband #4 online. Was the best decision I made that day I posted my self on Craig's List. I almost didn't do it but husband #3 was encouraging me to date. (Like I said I haven't a clue why but we get along this way-apart.) Craig's List shortly after our meeting had those tragic meetings. Mine was like a fairy tale come true. Online boyfriend #1 and #2 aren't so lucky but I thought I would start out with the best one first.