Ah, husband number #2. I jump around alot but I hope you are keeping up. If you look at the surface what was wrong with husband #2? Looked like a good, loving respectful husband. Involved in his childrens lives, active in the community......but some people in their small town didn't know they were even a couple. Why? We never did anything together. It was me and the kids. We went places together and husband #2 was rarely with them. Or it was my husband and the children without me with him. Ok, he was a quiet man who kept to himself. I was an outgoing, social person. Well, not so much. Husband #2 used to say I had a social personality and a home personality. I was miss chatty cathy in public but at home I was quiet and introverted. Husband #2 at home was almost hermitlike, awkward in social occasions, distant, and had a rage problem. A rage problem that brought fear to me and my children. It would send my daughter into a fetal position on the floor and hear my son whisper to me asking mommy why does daddy always break my things when he gets mad. He was right, if he wasn't taking it out on me he was breaking something of my son's. It is no wonder he doesn't have a relationship with his son. Husband #2 doesn't get it and never will. What he has with his son is as deep as it will ever go I'm afraid.
In defense of him I could be a bitch. Not an excuse but it sounds like one, he was a son of a bitch to live with. I would get so frustrated and my way of releasing my steam was on, 2 occasions, I first threw a candle into the wall and then threw a broom handle. There are nice holes from those stupid acts.
I tried and tried to get him in to therapy and he wouldn't go. Though three times I did get him to someone. The first one he said he didn't see any problems. The second one he said there might be problems but no big deal. The third therapist he admitted there were problems and I announced I wanted a divorce. It was a surprise to me to have that come out of my mouth. I knew I was ready. I had made preparations like getting an apartment, my own bank account, my own identity and some stability for my children. I had been told over and over that I was like a bear trying to protect her cubs. I should have protected them years before but I wasn't strong enough to think I could do it.
He is good at his profession in the medical field. There was a long period of time that if I heard how wonderful he was at what he does I was going to throw up. How wonderful it must be to be married to him I was told more times than I can remember. Oh, if people only knew. No one would have believed me if I hadn't had witnesses to his behavior.
I was still viewed as the villian when I went for the divorce. How could I hurt and divorce that "wonderful" man? I must have been a bad wife and running around on him. This is some of what I heard. Now, when your children agree their parents should be divorced there must be something there. Most kids want their parents together. Not mine. We talked about their father frequently. I tried to get them to have a relationship with their father. Yet we would sit around and call their father an asshole. I know that isn't what a mother is supposed to do but it was so obvious we couldn't avoid it.
It wasn't always bad. I got two beautiful children who have rarely given me a problem. I remember my son asking me if his daddy would ever be proud of him. I told him no matter what he wanted to do in his life, whether it be a garbage man or an executive, I would be proud of him. That was all I could tell him. I think he will always look for his father's approval, just like my dad did with his mom, my grandma. I did the same thing with my father. I was always looking for approval from my father. Oh... this is going into so many directions. Husband #2 brought out alot of "stuff". I'll give husband #2 a rest for now. Needs more room then I would have thought.
No comments:
Post a Comment