New Chapter in Life

I had a change of heart. I have so much inside me that wants to come out in my writing that I just have to continue. So I am.
As I am looking forward to starting a new chapter in my life I look back with some sadness. Not a lot of sadness just some.
People might say that "oh your father died, that's too bad, but he lived a good life." No he didn't! He lived a miserable life but in the end I think he saw the errors of his ways and tried to mend some of his holes. He treated us the only way he knew, the example of his parents. Now, I loved my dad and my grandparents very much but their parenting skills sucked. I can see why I got treated the way I did now. All I can do is have forgiveness and I have forgiven my father but dog gone it, what is wrong with the rest of them?!
I extend my hand and admit my wrongdoings and these people don't even know the meaning of forgiveness. That is so sad. A friend recently said never say never in trying to reconcile some kind of relationship with them. I can't see that happening. No one there will extend the hand to me I'm sure so my "family" really is dead. Part of me hopes that have alot of regrets as they lie on their death beds and think about where they are going after they die. What do they have to answer for. Alot, as do I. I have already dealt with mine and I have the peace I so desperately wanted in my life. I can't control other people's actions only ask forgiveness and extend the olive branch. The branch broke......
Is it possible to feel like an orphan at the age of 43? Yeah, it is. As I said before my mother died when I was barely 8. I was raised by a 14 year old sister who resented me a lot. Who could blame her. I miss her.
I felt years ago that when my dad finally passed on I would feel like an orphan. 1 year after he died or so, I felt that immensely. Eight years later I still feel that hurt in my heart of losing my daddy, warts and all. I'm an orphan marrying into a large family and large extended family who have welcomed me in to their fold with no questions. I am good enough for FH #4 than I am good enough for them.
That is a good feeling. I've never had that before.
I admit it is rather daunting but something I can get used to. I can get used to the laughing and the feeling of being wanted and loved or liked. It's nice that my FH#4 is so patient, so giving and a wonderful partner in life. I know that it will stay that way but not dumb enough to realize there will be bumps in the road........