Remember if you are just starting to read my book go way to the bottom and the book starts at the bottom of the blogs and work up.
Ok, now that husband #1 has coincidentally appeared in my life I have some feelings to explore. Ok, explored them and found nothing I felt like dealing with.
It is fun having gotten in contact with him. I never thought that would happen. He has a dryish sense of humor. Just to show you things are not always what they appear to be. LOL
What am feeling? Just friendship and glad he is still alive. I could dwell on the marriage that was over 30 years ago but I'm not anymore. What happened happened and the past can't be changed. He has changed my life and has had a hand in who I am today. I bet he will be surprised to read that, ah, when I tell him I am writing my book on a blog space.(my very rough draft)
FH #4 has been coming home when he can even if it is for 33 minutes, YES! One day last week I got to see him for 33 minutes but 5 hours four days later. What do I have to complain about? Really nothing, I'm happy for the first time in my life. I have finally found my soulmate and the love of my life.
I am afraid I won't be able to live up to what he wants in a woman. I'm not supposed to live alone and here I am alone. I thought I would be ok but I need validation of my feelings. He says we will face whatever comes our way together. How can we when he is not here and I am left to face more medical issues by myself? I can't face it by myself, my stroked brain can't retain information and I get overwhelmed very easily. Oh sure I am making it now, he doesn't understand or see how hard this is. I guess I can't expect him to since he has been doing his job for 30 years. Neither of us want to be alone but he has his job and I am sitting here scared of my future healthwise and having to face it alone. Sure he can email me, if he will, or call but how is that being here for each other. I'm sure I'll be told he is being here for me...
Oh, I'll never get the dog we talked about to keep me company. How can a dog help me when I have fainted and fallen down some steps unconscious and wake up praying I haven't broken anything. I love FH#4 with all my heart and I will always be here waiting for him but how do I get him to understand that this is so hard for me. Every time he leaves to go back my heart aches and (as usual) I cry for about a day after ( leaving him when he visits with smiles and flashes!) He can't see how hard this is on me? It's easier when I get to visit him at his work, the seperation doesn't feel as hard when I leave him at his job and drive home. It seems like a piece of cake for him that he can't see how emotionally hard this is on me. If this is hard for him I wish he would tell me. Maybe he wished I would stop talking as that was what husband #3 told me a couple times, "I talked too much." Husband #3 would rather have quiet than listen to anyone, especially his wife. Come to think about it husband #2 didn't like talking to me much either. In my defense husband #2 and 3 were very quiet, introverted people who didn't enjoy the company of others.
FH#4 treats me like a queen. I'm not complaining just voicing my worries. I want to live the rest of my life with him. I know his worries. He may not know I know but I do. I pray he stays safe to come home to me and he does the same thing. We will think the same thoughts and do similiar things at the same time and be surprised and laugh about it. How in tune can two people be?
I can't wait for him to come home knowing he won't have to leave again. I think I have a long time to wait....I just want him to be happy. I don't want to lose our "happy" cause it's great! :)
Emily
Ever since writing this particular one I was awfully hard on FH#4. He is a wonderful, caring man and I have way too much time to over think things. I don't think I want to write this anymore. I don't want to hurt anyone. I can't wait to be with my FH #4. I am so grateful I found him on the COMPUTER and took the leap of faith. It is a wonderful thing and I think writing a book like this is just not fair to him. Bye..........emily
Ok, now that husband #1 has coincidentally appeared in my life I have some feelings to explore. Ok, explored them and found nothing I felt like dealing with.
It is fun having gotten in contact with him. I never thought that would happen. He has a dryish sense of humor. Just to show you things are not always what they appear to be. LOL
What am feeling? Just friendship and glad he is still alive. I could dwell on the marriage that was over 30 years ago but I'm not anymore. What happened happened and the past can't be changed. He has changed my life and has had a hand in who I am today. I bet he will be surprised to read that, ah, when I tell him I am writing my book on a blog space.(my very rough draft)
FH #4 has been coming home when he can even if it is for 33 minutes, YES! One day last week I got to see him for 33 minutes but 5 hours four days later. What do I have to complain about? Really nothing, I'm happy for the first time in my life. I have finally found my soulmate and the love of my life.
I am afraid I won't be able to live up to what he wants in a woman. I'm not supposed to live alone and here I am alone. I thought I would be ok but I need validation of my feelings. He says we will face whatever comes our way together. How can we when he is not here and I am left to face more medical issues by myself? I can't face it by myself, my stroked brain can't retain information and I get overwhelmed very easily. Oh sure I am making it now, he doesn't understand or see how hard this is. I guess I can't expect him to since he has been doing his job for 30 years. Neither of us want to be alone but he has his job and I am sitting here scared of my future healthwise and having to face it alone. Sure he can email me, if he will, or call but how is that being here for each other. I'm sure I'll be told he is being here for me...
Oh, I'll never get the dog we talked about to keep me company. How can a dog help me when I have fainted and fallen down some steps unconscious and wake up praying I haven't broken anything. I love FH#4 with all my heart and I will always be here waiting for him but how do I get him to understand that this is so hard for me. Every time he leaves to go back my heart aches and (as usual) I cry for about a day after ( leaving him when he visits with smiles and flashes!) He can't see how hard this is on me? It's easier when I get to visit him at his work, the seperation doesn't feel as hard when I leave him at his job and drive home. It seems like a piece of cake for him that he can't see how emotionally hard this is on me. If this is hard for him I wish he would tell me. Maybe he wished I would stop talking as that was what husband #3 told me a couple times, "I talked too much." Husband #3 would rather have quiet than listen to anyone, especially his wife. Come to think about it husband #2 didn't like talking to me much either. In my defense husband #2 and 3 were very quiet, introverted people who didn't enjoy the company of others.
FH#4 treats me like a queen. I'm not complaining just voicing my worries. I want to live the rest of my life with him. I know his worries. He may not know I know but I do. I pray he stays safe to come home to me and he does the same thing. We will think the same thoughts and do similiar things at the same time and be surprised and laugh about it. How in tune can two people be?
I can't wait for him to come home knowing he won't have to leave again. I think I have a long time to wait....I just want him to be happy. I don't want to lose our "happy" cause it's great! :)
Emily
Ever since writing this particular one I was awfully hard on FH#4. He is a wonderful, caring man and I have way too much time to over think things. I don't think I want to write this anymore. I don't want to hurt anyone. I can't wait to be with my FH #4. I am so grateful I found him on the COMPUTER and took the leap of faith. It is a wonderful thing and I think writing a book like this is just not fair to him. Bye..........emily
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