I am sitting here blogging and listening to some of those soppy love songs LOL. Feeling happy and looking out the window at the sunshine and actually clear skies.
I do have a wild hair up somewhere that I am going to pull out. What is it? When you have been married more than 3 times (ok, I can see that but still lol) and people have the audacity to say "I hope this one sticks." I just want to dope slap those people.
Husband number 4 should have been husband number one (sorry Ed) and since I believe in happy ever after he would have been the only one. Friends who really know me can see the happiness in my face and voice they've never heard before.
What an insult to my husband when people say those things like that. In fact it was women who said it so I won't go there.... LOL.
I had made poor choices in my life in men and other things. When my 23 yr. old daughter at the time tells me I have finally made a good choice in a man my heart swells with pride. If anyone is hard on me it is those closest to you and she has been one to point out my faults, bless her. When I told my 25 year old son I was getting married after such a short time he was happy for me. Like he knew I finally made a good choice too, or his sister got to him first LOL.
People should THINK before they say such potentially hurtful things. No one but me and a few people know what I have been through in my life and how dare those few judge me. My husband and I deserve happiness.
If my ex husbands and boyfriends can offer me congratulations and be happy for me what is wrong with these people who barely know me? Just an interesting string of thoughts.
Showing posts with label happiness. Show all posts
Showing posts with label happiness. Show all posts
Saturday, November 14, 2009
Sunday, August 16, 2009
Start of a book-copyrighted
Remember if you are just starting to read my book go way to the bottom and the book starts at the bottom of the blogs and work up.
Ok, now that husband #1 has coincidentally appeared in my life I have some feelings to explore. Ok, explored them and found nothing I felt like dealing with.
It is fun having gotten in contact with him. I never thought that would happen. He has a dryish sense of humor. Just to show you things are not always what they appear to be. LOL
What am feeling? Just friendship and glad he is still alive. I could dwell on the marriage that was over 30 years ago but I'm not anymore. What happened happened and the past can't be changed. He has changed my life and has had a hand in who I am today. I bet he will be surprised to read that, ah, when I tell him I am writing my book on a blog space.(my very rough draft)
FH #4 has been coming home when he can even if it is for 33 minutes, YES! One day last week I got to see him for 33 minutes but 5 hours four days later. What do I have to complain about? Really nothing, I'm happy for the first time in my life. I have finally found my soulmate and the love of my life.
I am afraid I won't be able to live up to what he wants in a woman. I'm not supposed to live alone and here I am alone. I thought I would be ok but I need validation of my feelings. He says we will face whatever comes our way together. How can we when he is not here and I am left to face more medical issues by myself? I can't face it by myself, my stroked brain can't retain information and I get overwhelmed very easily. Oh sure I am making it now, he doesn't understand or see how hard this is. I guess I can't expect him to since he has been doing his job for 30 years. Neither of us want to be alone but he has his job and I am sitting here scared of my future healthwise and having to face it alone. Sure he can email me, if he will, or call but how is that being here for each other. I'm sure I'll be told he is being here for me...
Oh, I'll never get the dog we talked about to keep me company. How can a dog help me when I have fainted and fallen down some steps unconscious and wake up praying I haven't broken anything. I love FH#4 with all my heart and I will always be here waiting for him but how do I get him to understand that this is so hard for me. Every time he leaves to go back my heart aches and (as usual) I cry for about a day after ( leaving him when he visits with smiles and flashes!) He can't see how hard this is on me? It's easier when I get to visit him at his work, the seperation doesn't feel as hard when I leave him at his job and drive home. It seems like a piece of cake for him that he can't see how emotionally hard this is on me. If this is hard for him I wish he would tell me. Maybe he wished I would stop talking as that was what husband #3 told me a couple times, "I talked too much." Husband #3 would rather have quiet than listen to anyone, especially his wife. Come to think about it husband #2 didn't like talking to me much either. In my defense husband #2 and 3 were very quiet, introverted people who didn't enjoy the company of others.
FH#4 treats me like a queen. I'm not complaining just voicing my worries. I want to live the rest of my life with him. I know his worries. He may not know I know but I do. I pray he stays safe to come home to me and he does the same thing. We will think the same thoughts and do similiar things at the same time and be surprised and laugh about it. How in tune can two people be?
I can't wait for him to come home knowing he won't have to leave again. I think I have a long time to wait....I just want him to be happy. I don't want to lose our "happy" cause it's great! :)
Emily
Ever since writing this particular one I was awfully hard on FH#4. He is a wonderful, caring man and I have way too much time to over think things. I don't think I want to write this anymore. I don't want to hurt anyone. I can't wait to be with my FH #4. I am so grateful I found him on the COMPUTER and took the leap of faith. It is a wonderful thing and I think writing a book like this is just not fair to him. Bye..........emily
Ok, now that husband #1 has coincidentally appeared in my life I have some feelings to explore. Ok, explored them and found nothing I felt like dealing with.
It is fun having gotten in contact with him. I never thought that would happen. He has a dryish sense of humor. Just to show you things are not always what they appear to be. LOL
What am feeling? Just friendship and glad he is still alive. I could dwell on the marriage that was over 30 years ago but I'm not anymore. What happened happened and the past can't be changed. He has changed my life and has had a hand in who I am today. I bet he will be surprised to read that, ah, when I tell him I am writing my book on a blog space.(my very rough draft)
FH #4 has been coming home when he can even if it is for 33 minutes, YES! One day last week I got to see him for 33 minutes but 5 hours four days later. What do I have to complain about? Really nothing, I'm happy for the first time in my life. I have finally found my soulmate and the love of my life.
I am afraid I won't be able to live up to what he wants in a woman. I'm not supposed to live alone and here I am alone. I thought I would be ok but I need validation of my feelings. He says we will face whatever comes our way together. How can we when he is not here and I am left to face more medical issues by myself? I can't face it by myself, my stroked brain can't retain information and I get overwhelmed very easily. Oh sure I am making it now, he doesn't understand or see how hard this is. I guess I can't expect him to since he has been doing his job for 30 years. Neither of us want to be alone but he has his job and I am sitting here scared of my future healthwise and having to face it alone. Sure he can email me, if he will, or call but how is that being here for each other. I'm sure I'll be told he is being here for me...
Oh, I'll never get the dog we talked about to keep me company. How can a dog help me when I have fainted and fallen down some steps unconscious and wake up praying I haven't broken anything. I love FH#4 with all my heart and I will always be here waiting for him but how do I get him to understand that this is so hard for me. Every time he leaves to go back my heart aches and (as usual) I cry for about a day after ( leaving him when he visits with smiles and flashes!) He can't see how hard this is on me? It's easier when I get to visit him at his work, the seperation doesn't feel as hard when I leave him at his job and drive home. It seems like a piece of cake for him that he can't see how emotionally hard this is on me. If this is hard for him I wish he would tell me. Maybe he wished I would stop talking as that was what husband #3 told me a couple times, "I talked too much." Husband #3 would rather have quiet than listen to anyone, especially his wife. Come to think about it husband #2 didn't like talking to me much either. In my defense husband #2 and 3 were very quiet, introverted people who didn't enjoy the company of others.
FH#4 treats me like a queen. I'm not complaining just voicing my worries. I want to live the rest of my life with him. I know his worries. He may not know I know but I do. I pray he stays safe to come home to me and he does the same thing. We will think the same thoughts and do similiar things at the same time and be surprised and laugh about it. How in tune can two people be?
I can't wait for him to come home knowing he won't have to leave again. I think I have a long time to wait....I just want him to be happy. I don't want to lose our "happy" cause it's great! :)
Emily
Ever since writing this particular one I was awfully hard on FH#4. He is a wonderful, caring man and I have way too much time to over think things. I don't think I want to write this anymore. I don't want to hurt anyone. I can't wait to be with my FH #4. I am so grateful I found him on the COMPUTER and took the leap of faith. It is a wonderful thing and I think writing a book like this is just not fair to him. Bye..........emily
Thursday, June 18, 2009
Happy
I don't have a college degree. I don't have the work experience needed. I do have life experience. I hear that is the best experience to have. I know what works for me and I share it. If you find this self indulging or don't agree then don't read it. You have a choice.
Just like I had a choice to be happy or unhappy the rest of my life. Ok, I was to the point of being unhappy the rest of my life but that fighting Emily spirit surfaced and nothing stands a chance against my fighting spirit! I deserve happiness and I know that I have the ability to make someone else happy too. So online I went. I despised husband #3 doing it but just to feel the touch of someone else slipped me over the edge. Now, that sounds funny, the touch of someone. That is the only way to describe that too. I love touch.
I realized after meeting future hubby #4 that I had never known happiness before or love. I thought I had but no, I hadn't. Wishful thinking on my part all those years. I am so happy. I smile even when I am feeling my worst because I know I have found my lover, best friend and soul mate. I know it in the deepest part of my heart. I guess that is why I am feeling insecure. I am trying not to but darn it keeps showing up. I thought I had put it to rest.
I love FH#4 with all my heart and soul and if I get anymore mushy even I may get sick.
When I have to see husband #3 I don't feel comfortable showing my happiness. I know it is because we are getting a divorce and that is emotional for me. I thought I knew this man but I didn't have a clue. I feel bad about that. He never let me in thus my behavior wasn't the best. Not as an excuse, ok maybe, but he kept pushing me away in his dramatic way and I became so frustrated. When I see him now I feel like a failure at another marriage and my "happy" disappears for a while.
I want husband #3 to know how happy I am but I can't. I intend on keeping this "happy" the rest of my life (now that I know how it feels like!)
Work for the day is to put that insecurity away no matter how bad (healthwise) I may feel. It is only causing problems and frankly insecurity has been around far too long!
Just like I had a choice to be happy or unhappy the rest of my life. Ok, I was to the point of being unhappy the rest of my life but that fighting Emily spirit surfaced and nothing stands a chance against my fighting spirit! I deserve happiness and I know that I have the ability to make someone else happy too. So online I went. I despised husband #3 doing it but just to feel the touch of someone else slipped me over the edge. Now, that sounds funny, the touch of someone. That is the only way to describe that too. I love touch.
I realized after meeting future hubby #4 that I had never known happiness before or love. I thought I had but no, I hadn't. Wishful thinking on my part all those years. I am so happy. I smile even when I am feeling my worst because I know I have found my lover, best friend and soul mate. I know it in the deepest part of my heart. I guess that is why I am feeling insecure. I am trying not to but darn it keeps showing up. I thought I had put it to rest.
I love FH#4 with all my heart and soul and if I get anymore mushy even I may get sick.
When I have to see husband #3 I don't feel comfortable showing my happiness. I know it is because we are getting a divorce and that is emotional for me. I thought I knew this man but I didn't have a clue. I feel bad about that. He never let me in thus my behavior wasn't the best. Not as an excuse, ok maybe, but he kept pushing me away in his dramatic way and I became so frustrated. When I see him now I feel like a failure at another marriage and my "happy" disappears for a while.
I want husband #3 to know how happy I am but I can't. I intend on keeping this "happy" the rest of my life (now that I know how it feels like!)
Work for the day is to put that insecurity away no matter how bad (healthwise) I may feel. It is only causing problems and frankly insecurity has been around far too long!
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